These last few days I've had a strong pull to write my feelings out, but the raging battle of avoidance and resistance were winning the war. I have a few different coping methods I use to allow for a space of healing to occur and aide in the restoration of balance. Deep in my heart, I know there are certain coping methods that are more effective, and yet, I turn to the "easier" methods to avoid the feelings that may come up because I need to keep moving. It's in the moment of stillness, that I feel this stirring that says, "take care of this" and the flood gates are open and the emotions come to the surface. As time passes, I am developing an understanding of the agreements I have made with myself that have created my limiting beliefs that give rise to the battle of avoidance and resistance instead of diving in to aide in my release. With time, I have noticed my battle with avoidance and resistance has lessened and I have become more patient with myself and my healing process.
For me, writing, painting and healing arts are powerful healers. As much as I dance with resistance, I am thankful that I place one foot in front of the other and say hello to these healers and engage with them despite the fear I feel at times. While engage with these powerful tools of healing, it takes a level of courage and bravery to do so, because the emotions that are evoked during the process can be quite overwhelming. But so worth it! The level of emotion that comes to the surface while engaging with these great healers astounds me, and allows me to honor my process and listen. Beyond witnessing my own story of healing, I have been able to witness the healing power these great methods offer to others I have had the honor of coaching. Silencing the noise in my head and tricking my ego to be quiet in order to create an honoring space to heal, transform, and surrender is what allows me to place one foot in front of the other to cope with my external world. Honoring myself and the stage I am in, allows for a deeper understanding of myself, and provides a safe space for me to cope and heal.
A few of my limiting beliefs that give rise to my resistance are.... "I'm not good enough." "I'm not smart enough." "My writing will sound stupid." "No one will read this or care, so what's the point?" "What happens if my painting sucks?" "What happens if I don't paint something good?" All of these thoughts and beliefs give rise to fear and open a space that could potentially hold me back from not moving forward. It's the moment of truth. I can choose to listen and not move forward, or I can allow the wave of healing to occur. The truth is, my writing is my own. It's my unique voice, and over the years I've worked hard to develop her, listen to her, and surrender to what she wants to say. Is it going to win a prize? NO and that's okay. Is it going to be grammatically correct? Probably not and that's okay. Does my writing really say I'm not smart? Well, I guess it could to some people... and that's okay. The truth is, I know I am smart and my writing is a healing space for myself that allows me to reflect and cope with life. And truly, who cares if no one reads it... Of course, I hope someone does. Not because I need them to, but because I hold the intention of healing for others as much as I do for myself. I hope that my words resonate with the reader, and in that space of connection allows for love to heal; inspiring you to do your own form of healing beyond the space of fear. The truth about my art and paintings is this... they too, are my unique voice and my art. Art is subjective and beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I create art because I need to, and because I want to, even when resistance is high and I've had to wrestle myself to get in the studio and stand in front of my canvas. Yes, there are times painting can be a painful process for me, but the magic that happens because I show up in front of the canvas, I have trouble placing into words. The in between stages of each canvas, undoubtedly always brings about more fear because it's usually a jumbled mess, and my ego likes to step in and say "I told you so." Really, what did you tell me? That I wasn't good enough? It's in that space that spirit whispers..."yes you are, keep going, you got this." It's in that moment that my heart says, "I believe in you and I love you." And let me tell you, because I chose to listen to my heart and spirit, there have been several canvases I have stood in front of, in utter disbelief that they were mine. And in that beautiful, magical moment, I've felt an indescribable joy. My limiting beliefs are fairly universal and shared by many people. It's what we decide to do with those constricting beliefs that matters. Today I chose to shut them off, told my fear to kiss my ass, and sat down to write. Yesterday I did the same and lovingly picked up my brushes to paint. It felt so damn good to open to the space of healing and allow myself to be in the present moment, silencing the noise of fear.
Today, I invite you to move forward. Engage in that healing space, open up to the possibilities waiting for you. Tell fear to kiss your ass. Be brave and move forward. Allow your spirit and heart to emerge, and do what your being called to do. Do you feel the urge to write? To paint? To breathe? To call and connect with someone? To walk outside? To take the first steps to be more healthy? Whatever it is... take the first step. The second step gets easier and the reward of moving forward, and connecting with your inner voice is greater than what I can describe to you. I have felt it myself many times and witnessed it with those I have had the honor of coaching. I believe in you and I'm holding a loving space of healing for you.
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| A small glimpse of a work in progress. ©2018 Toni Becker, Artfully Healing Whimsical Jewels |
For me, writing, painting and healing arts are powerful healers. As much as I dance with resistance, I am thankful that I place one foot in front of the other and say hello to these healers and engage with them despite the fear I feel at times. While engage with these powerful tools of healing, it takes a level of courage and bravery to do so, because the emotions that are evoked during the process can be quite overwhelming. But so worth it! The level of emotion that comes to the surface while engaging with these great healers astounds me, and allows me to honor my process and listen. Beyond witnessing my own story of healing, I have been able to witness the healing power these great methods offer to others I have had the honor of coaching. Silencing the noise in my head and tricking my ego to be quiet in order to create an honoring space to heal, transform, and surrender is what allows me to place one foot in front of the other to cope with my external world. Honoring myself and the stage I am in, allows for a deeper understanding of myself, and provides a safe space for me to cope and heal.
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| My brave steps this week. I'm working on a few different paintings right now. Current work in progress. © 2018 Toni Becker, Artfully Healing Whimsical Jewels |
Today, I invite you to move forward. Engage in that healing space, open up to the possibilities waiting for you. Tell fear to kiss your ass. Be brave and move forward. Allow your spirit and heart to emerge, and do what your being called to do. Do you feel the urge to write? To paint? To breathe? To call and connect with someone? To walk outside? To take the first steps to be more healthy? Whatever it is... take the first step. The second step gets easier and the reward of moving forward, and connecting with your inner voice is greater than what I can describe to you. I have felt it myself many times and witnessed it with those I have had the honor of coaching. I believe in you and I'm holding a loving space of healing for you.
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| "The Light Within" ©2017 Toni Becker, Artfully Healing Whimsical Jewels |
