I need your HELP, please!

As my post states...  I need your help.  I'm telling you my story so that you can help me get the word out and possibly increase my chances at winning my banks giveaway.  Help me by voting for my story which will not only help my kids and I but will allow me to follow my dream of helping those in my community through art.  So here's my story...

I'm a single mom with two beautiful children.  I am fortunate enough to get up every day and do work that I love and I feel passionate about.  Honestly, it's not work.  I am also fortunate enough to work for myself which allows me the freedom to have a flexible schedule and be with my kids as much as possible, something that is VERY important to me.  Since my partner and I separated, financially it has been beyond difficult.  I have had some great angels, that have assisted me in my journey and have blessed me with financial help along the way, which has lessened the financial burden.

Last week, I went into the bank in the hopes of trying to find financial assistance and to free up some of my money each month.  Currently, I have NO wriggle room and I am embarrassed to say there are times I am wondering how I am going to put gas in my car and food on my table.  I had heard about Truliant's $25,000.00 giveaway but really didn't pay too much attention to it.  If you know me personally, you know how much I believe in synchronicity and the power of those moments that keep us in the flow of our journey.  On this particular day, the universe could not have been any clearer.  In fact the message was so LOUD it was as if a neon sign was flashing at me telling me to enter.

On the morning I went to the bank, I had opened my email and saw a message about the giveaway.  Then while sitting in the bank lobby, another message ran over a sign.  Then as I sat with the member specialist reviewing my dreary finances and whether or not they could help me, she mentioned that I should enter!  I had heard or seen information about the giveaway numerous times within a 2 hour time period!!  Flashing sign?!?  Hammer hitting me over the head?

When the member specialist told me about the details of the giveaway and what I had to do to enter, my first reaction was NO...  I don't want people to know my story or my personal business.  Oh, NO, I have to share it for people to read, see, and vote on?  Shame immediately creeped into my being.  I had an overwhelming sense of embarrassment.  eeeeeeek!  NO I can't do this.  I sat and listened, all the while my head screaming this little two letter word.  I walked out of the bank thinking, okay I have time to think about it, since I had until June 1st to submit something.   I can process my feelings, get over the idea of sharing my personal business with the world, and think about my belief system.  You know, all those thoughts that say...  Am I worthy?  Can this really happen to me?  Do dreams, my dreams, really come true?  Can they come true?  I spent hours processing it and all the while, the universe is sending little messages to enter.  It seems that everywhere I looked there it was...  info about the giveaway.  Okay, okay I hear it!

It was a long process and I finally got to the place of feeling comfortable.  With joy in my heart and excitement at the possiblity, I went on line to look at the details.  What?!?!  The deadline is May 23rd not June 1st!!  On May 23rd all entries must be submitted and voted on by the public.  Voting closes midnight on the 23rd and the top finalists will then move to the next level for the bank to decide upon.  So I NEED YOUR HELP.  

Here is the information...  My bank is giving away $25,000.00!  All I had to do was submit a picture and caption, less than 300 characters, explaining how the bank could help me and what "my why" was.  Do you know how hard it is to come up with a statement that will tell people why you need the money in less than 300 characters?  Look how many characters I have already written explaining why I need your help!  LOL

Here are a few of my details... My WHY.  I've already shared I'm a single mom with 2 beautiful children.  Children that I would like to be able to assist without this constant struggle.  Beyond the daily struggle, I would like to be able to provide them with a little money for their future so hopefully they won't struggle like I have .  This money would bring financial security into my home without wondering where my next dollar is coming from for the basic essentials in life.  I could also pay off my car, which would free up quite a bit of money each month.  ($330.00)  So yeah...  debt reduction would be grand!

Beyond financial security, debt reduction, and planning for my kids future, this money would allow me to follow my dream of assisting individuals in the community through art, mainly women and children.  I want to provide a service that empowers women and children, assists with creative expression, and provides an outlet for life's struggles.  This money would allow me to pay for the start up business cost of being able to file to become an LLC, pay for the other business fees, and purchase supplies for my business.  

So today I ask for your help.  Please vote for my submission on the Truliant mywhy website  Share it, encourage others to vote for it, in order to help my kids and I.  How you ask?  Click on the stars, share the story via facebook, share it on instagram.  Remind people that they only have until the 23rd to vote.

Here's the truliant website:  https://www.truliantmywhy.com

Here's MYWHY:  https://www.truliantmywhy.com/?search=toni%20becker

Thank you SO MUCH for helping us.  Thank you for taking the time to read my story and to share it.  With a heart filled with gratitude, I appreciate the assistance you have given us.  

Dare to dream.  Follow your dream.  Be brave.  Believe in yourself.  You are worthy of abundant blessings and your dreams coming true.  

Self Love

Why is it so easy to love those around us while neglecting ourselves?  Why is it we dismiss our own needs so easily to take care of the needs of others?  Why is it we see people as selfish when they are caring for themselves?  Why is it we continually tell ourselves we don't have enough time to do the activity we enjoy doing and would assist in alleviating our stress?  Why is it we show compassion and understanding to another person, and are relentless with ourselves?  Why is forgiveness so hard and why do we avoid it like it's the black plague?

Currently these questions are at the forefront of my mind because self love is an area I continue to struggle with.  Self-love has been one of the most difficult concepts to understand, consistently maintain, and put into practice.  As I move to greater understanding, I also realize how hard we are on ourselves and so unforgiving.  I'm guilty.  Guilty of continually beating myself up for not doing better and not forgiving myself for my "short comings".  Thankfully, I have gotten better about this but I have a long way to go.

Today, I awoke and made a pledge to myself to write about self-love...  to confess and share how I have neglected myself and have gotten caught in the obligation cycle.  You know what I'm talking about...  A to do list in our personal and professional lives that is a mile long and continually keeps us busy, then there's the kid's schedules and needs, the needs of an aging and sick parent, and all of the daily responsibilities in the home.  Do you succumb to the daily challenges of obligation and neglect yourself in the process?  I do.  The forgiving side of me reminds the critical side, that I have gotten better about this.  A few years ago, I would have been physically ill from the stress and increase in obligations I have endured in the last several months.   Thankfully, I have gotten better about meeting my needs and listening to my body, and try to not to get to the point of physical illness.  I try to remind myself my energy cup needs to be filled but I don't do it enough.  Recognizing the problem is the first step in correcting the problem.

Art heals my soul.  It's a beautiful release to the emotional eruption taking place from the world around me.  It also helps me work through and process the world around me.  But honestly, art isn't my only outlet.  This morning, my thoughts were why have I neglected myself so terribly?  Why have I allowed my obligations to get in the way with that which brings me joy?  While sitting here, I have realized I was still engaging in joyful activities in my life it just wasn't the activity I wanted to do the most and in return I wasn't staying in the moment of relief and getting the most out of my joyful activity.  I miss my old friend Art but I love walks in nature, listening to music, watching a funny show, and being with my children.  I think yesterday riding my bike with "S" allowed me to break some of my inner self free and led me here in my journey.  I may not have been hanging with Art but I have spent several days in nature, listened to the birds, laughed with my children and rode my bike...  all joyful activities.

So...  what have I learned and processed from this?  I need to say NO more frequently and then not feel guilty because I did.  When I feel the tinge of guilt, feel it, then release it, practicing forgiveness.  Forgive myself when I don't say no.  Exercise compassion with myself.  Take a few moments each day to soak in my joyful activity and really be in the moment, whether it's walking in nature, standing outside listening to the birds sing, listening to music and singing along, riding my bike, laughing at a funny show or my goofy kids, writing, or engaging in art.  Participating in activities that provide joy to our soul is just as important as putting food in our bodies.

Loving yourself is just as essential as loving someone else.  You really can't give love to another without fully doing it to yourself.  I hope that today you practice a little self love and engage in an activity that makes a smile creep across your face, your belly move from laughter and your cup overflow with joy.  I did.

Beginning

Today began and I realized I must start writing again.  I have resisted it for as long as I can.  This resistance isn't doing me any good...really it's stopping myself from becoming a better version of what I am.  Listening to my inner voice and writing it down helps me.  It helps me heal just like art, music and nature.  These are my healers, my powerful coping mechanisms in life.

So here my journey begins.  This new blog I will share my journey with you and I hope you will share yours with me, if you feel led to do so.  I will also share events, workshops, and gatherings I am conducting as well as other people's events that promote healing.  All of us need healing.  Sometimes the wound is deep and requires a lot of time, other times the wound is superficial and just takes a still moment, a few breaths and a connection.

I'm here to listen, guide, and connect with you.