Reflection

When I read that quote I can hear the bells and whistles going off.  For me, there is so much truth in the quote above, its resonance is loud and clear.  At times I have fought, kicking and screaming, resisting the change that would come.  Other times I grabbed the bull by the horns, embraced what was to come, while holding on for dear life.   Then there were times, that although there was a fight, it was mild in comparison and I was grateful it was over.  Each fight I have fought, I have given it my all, and at the end my arms were in the air with victory.  Some of the victories didn't feel very good, but I made it to the end, and that alone is a victory worth celebrating.

I've had a few life changes that have struck the core of my being.  They've rattled me.  Made me feel so weak, despite those around me saying I was strong.  The reality is sometimes we don't feel very strong.  These life changes stripped me naked, left me feeling broken, alone, and afraid.  When I look over my life, and these life circumstances that shook me free, I can honestly say I am grateful.  I am grateful for the uncomfortable truths they revealed.  I am grateful for the chance to rise and expand to be a better version of myself.  I am grateful for the gifts each situation gave me.

A little over three years ago, my life changed.  I never saw it coming and in fact thought the day would never arrive.  But it did.  I felt broken.  Alone.  Afraid.  Naked.  I felt like a fraud and everything I believed in was false.  I believed in something and gave it everything I had and then....  it changed.  It fell apart.  How could something you put so much energy into, come unraveled, and fall apart so easily?

It has been 1,150 days since this major life changing event and as a result I have had a lot of time to reflect.  Reflect on who I am, who I want to become, and where I am headed.  In my opinion, self reflection can be REALLY uncomfortable.  Sometimes the person standing there looking at you, isn't very pretty.  At times I have stood, with my knees knocking together, looking at this woman staring at me in the mirror ,wondering how I got here and if I was strong enough to continue.  In all honesty, I realized I wasn't broken, only bruised, and I was grateful for that.  Bruises heal.  When I was reminded of the small blessing that bruises heal, I saw hope looking at me in the mirror and she was beautiful.

In my 1,150 days of evolution and reflection, I have made some choices that I wasn't proud of.  When I reflect on each choice I have made over these 1,150 days, I am reminded that each choice I have been given the opportunity to grow, expand, and evolve.  Some of the choices I have made, filled me with all of the uncomfortable emotions most of us try to avoid.  you know...  shame, guilt, regret, blame, hate, anger, self pity...  should I go on?  Recently, I made some choices that wanted to fill me with a few of these bad boys, but then I realized even that was a choice.  I could choose to feel those emotions or I could choose to reflect on my choices and see what I was to learn from them instead.  Choose the light or choose the darkness.  Thankfully I chose the light.

So as I reflect on a few of my recent choices, I am reminded that each person that comes into our lives, has an opportunity to teach us something, if we are open to it.  Each situation presented, gives us another opportunity to look at ourselves, our behavior, our patterns, and evolve into something else and break old patterns to become more than we once were.  We are being called to be something better and to give the world something more than we already have.

Reflection may not always be comfortable but it is necessary to learn, grow, and change.  Sometimes sharing the reflection with people in your life is just as uncomfortable, if not more, than the reflection itself.  Opening up and sharing your thoughts and feelings with someone else takes a lot of courage and bravery.  It's standing firmly exposing our naked selves.  I don't know about you, but when this happens I want to RUN...  but I try not to.  Speaking my truth and continuing to expose my naked self (not literally...  If I have to do that I really will run), is one of the patterns I am breaking.

I have had 14,834 days to become the woman I am today, reflect on all of my choices, and who I am as a result.  And I love her.